Customer Service

telephone

So you want to be one of our customer service representatives do you? Well let me tell you, son, here at Time Warner Cable we take this job seriously. Customer service is the heart and soul of any company, and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially in a company that is dedicated to providing a service. We aren’t just selling a product, understand, we are providing a service that people (our customers) will consider to be an essential part of their lives.

So, let me walk you through the ropes. This is your cubicle here. Careful when you stand up, the ceiling is kind of low, but you’ll spend most of your time hunched over this phone and looking at this screen, so it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Why, I’ve heard of some of our veterans who lower the ceilings in their own homes after working with us for a while because they get comfortable with it and start to prefer it. You know, I think that’s a truism for most people: you can get used to anything.

While we’re here, let me show you the phone. It’s pretty easy, you answer it with this button here. Oh, and this one is my personal favorite. It’s the speakerphone. Whenever you get tired of hunching over, you can stretch back and prop your feet up on your desk and use the speakerphone to talk to our valuable customers. Of course you have to yell really loud, and they can probably hear our other customer service representatives yelling into their speakerphones too, but the more the merrier, right?

And this is the little light that says somebody is holding. It’s important to answer quickly when someone is holding. And you’ve been through the basic training right? Answer with “Thank you for waiting” and all that? Good. Good. You’ll find that after you’ve been doing it for a while those words and phrases just flow out effortlessly. Why I remember before I was promoted to manager that I couldn’t even remember what I was saying half the time. I’d be in the middle of a conversation and have one of those moments like “how did I get here? What on earth are we talking about?” You know like when you daydream while driving and suddenly find yourself in the middle of town.

And here’s your printed script. Basically you do just like they told you in training. This flowchart will walk you through any possible customer complaint, and you just read off the script where you’re at. It’s an amazing piece of writing, I’ll tell you that. Whoever comes up with these things is pure genius. Why, I’ve had customers calling in with a complaint, wanting to cancel all of their service, and they hang up not only a happy customer, but buying more of our services than they did before.

The trick to remember is that you always offer another solution to their problem that involves them buying something else from us. Do they want to lower their monthly bill? Here try this advanced package for just $10 a month more, and tell me that you won’t be happy this time. It’s amazing how well it works. And if they pass up the first option, you just move down the list offering slightly different services and they’ll eventually choose one. Remember though (I used to forget this all the time when I was new here) you have to explain each package in great detail. Re-explain every point every time around. You’ll wear ’em down that way. And if it makes your call go long, don’t worry. Part of that wearing down also happens on hold, so it all works together.

Once you’ve got your script basically memorized you’ll find you can do this in your sleep. I remember I had one guy working once cubicle over from me who was studying for grad school. He had gotten so good at it that he would be studying a textbook and making notes the whole time he was on with a customer. He could drag out a product description so long that he’d fill a notebook page, then calmly look up for the pricing option, wait for a response, and launch into the next one while he moved to the next page of his notes. I think he’s an administrator for a health insurance company now.

Well, I think that about covers it. Have a seat and wait for the light to go off. They’ll be sending people your way soon enough. And if you get stuck you can always put them on hold and call me over. You’ve been awfully quiet: any questions?

You’re not very comfortable talking to people? Ha ha that’s a good one!

No, son, you’ll be fine. Who said anything about talking to people?

 

Dramatized from a real experience with Time Warner Cable, whom I’m sure I just caught on a bad day and is actually a great company to work for. 

Advertisements

About Derrick

Derrick lives and works in South Carolina where he teaches English at a technical college and raises his two small children with his wife, Danielle.
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s