Some Perspectives on Dishwashing

DishwasherMy thought process:

Hmm. That’s really stuck on there. Will it come off in the dishwasher? Yeah it probably will. I’ll make sure it gets positioned for an optimal amount of soap and water.

Well what about that then? Well yeah, if that other thing would come off, then this probably will too. I’ll spray it with a little hot water first, just to be sure. There, let that soak in a bit and I’m sure it’ll break loose when the cycle starts.

Ok, that probably won’t come off in the dishwasher. But. . . you know, for the sake of science I think I’ll put it in anyway. At least see how much does come off. Maybe it’ll all come off. Heck, maybe I’ve been underestimating our dishwasher this whole time and a mess like that is a piece of cake for it. Yeah. I’m gonna put it in and see what happens. (I better make sure that I do the emptying though: women just don’t understand scientific inquiry and she’d get mad at me for not rinsing it off first—when I obviously didn’t forget to rinse it off).

Really, in order to thoroughly test it, I should try with a couple different detergents to see which is the best one. They all advertise that crap about making wineglasses shine: I want to see which one can strip the finish off my non-stick pans.

Now that I think about it, I’m not sure this mess is really enough of a challenge. Maybe I can bake it on there a bit more. Hey look! The oven is still preheated from dinner. . .

My wife’s thought process:

If I re-stack the blue bowls in sideways overlapping triangles, I can squeeze this white bowl into the row with the others and the top shelf will be perfectly packed.

But the bottom shelf is woefully disorganized. Ugh. I have this space here that would be perfect for a row of coffee cups, but I’ve only got one that’s dirty. Imagine that: this whole big pile of dishes and only one dirty coffee cup.

I know! We have company coming tomorrow night and we’ll have coffee after dinner. That should produce the perfect amount of coffee cups to fill this section evenly, and the colors will actully match well with the mixing bowl section next to it.

Well, there’s no sense in running the dishwasher if it isn’t full yet. I’ll wait till tomorrow after dinner. (But I better go ahead and hand-wash all of these dishes that won’t fit. Otherwise in the morning he’ll wonder why in the world the dishwasher hasn’t been run while all these dishes sit here. Men just don’t understand that if you do something right the first time that you won’t have to do it wrong three times.)

Oh look, another spoon—but the spoon slot is full. . .

My three-year-old son’s thought process

Water running!


If I help daddy with the dishes maybe he will let me use the sprayer to help rinse and I can push the lever on the back and spray the water on the soapy dishes and rinse the bubbles down the drain and maybe I can use the sprayer to do that and make the water come out but try not to get the water outside the sink but that’s really not a problem because water makes everything SO MUCH BETTER!

Why do they makes sinks so high that I can’t reach them and I have to push a chair over from the table and it’s so heavy that I can’t push very fast and what if dad finishes washing the dishes before I can get there even though I told him to wait for me after he said yes and if that happens I won’t get to use the sprayer and then I would be really sad?

Oh I can see the water! Touch it touch it touch it! Ow it’s hot! He’s handing me the sprayer THE SPRAYER! Now I can wash the bubbles down the drain.

Oops I got it out of the sink.



About Derrick

Derrick lives and works in South Carolina where he teaches English at a technical college and raises his two small children with his wife, Danielle.
This entry was posted in Humor, Marriage and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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